Lately I have been less preoccupied with fashion or style but with body and self image. As the daughter of a woman who has been struggling with eating all her life, I too grew up to radically control my body and food intake. It’s only recently that I’ve started eating, before I would be permanently on a diet, wrecked with guilt whenever I would break my own strickt food rules.
My body, it has always seemed to me, is my calling card, my membership to that elusive club of the beautiful and successful. It must be trimmed, formed, moulded and fitted into the acceptable shape, and that shape is thin. My own success, achievements, friendships, relationships – none matter unless I’m thin, thin will validate it all. No wonder then that I feel permanently ashamed and embarassed that I’ve never quite made it, never quite succeeded at being thin.
After so many years – half my life – wasted on trying to produce an edited version of myself and my body, I have finally decided to just live. Hopefully, this will – one day – reconcile me with my own body, my real self.
This Harper’s BAZAAR Australia shoot, showing model Crystal Renn, really struck a chord. I’d almost forgotten what normal looks like.